There is a lot of information out there floating around about endometriosis. You may have heard that it’s the body attacking itself or that brith control is the best remedy.
What you may not know is that have heard is what is causing endometriosis and how exactly to being your path toward healing. It begins with looking at some of our favorite products and places to live work and play.
The toxins I’m talking about are known to aggravate the EBV living inside the reproductive system. In fact, endometriosis isn’t the only ailment with toxic buildup as the culprit. Women with cysts and other reproductive problems can blame a toxic load in the reproductive system caused by products and environment.
Here’s a general list of products to check on EWG.ORG (there are two different pages for cleaning products and personal products), and see where they rate on the toxicity scale-1 being the lowest rate of toxicity and 10 being the highest:
Soap, body and hand
Other hair products like hairspray, moose, etc.
Glade plug-ins and other air fresheners
Heavily sprayed areas like parks and golf courses or chlorine-filled pools-I basically grew up on a golf course and spent a few years working as a beverage cart salesperson and can’t help but wonder the affects the chemicals had on my hormones
Perfumes, body sprays, etc.
‘Scented’ anything-from garbage bags to tissues try to avoid scented products even if they are organic. If they are scented there’s a big chance there’s something toxic in it unless the natural ingredients such as essential oils are listed
Clothing-regularly doused in formaldehyde
Bed linens, mattresses, towels,
Electronics-phones, lap tops, computers, iPads, etc.
Cooking and baking dishes, pots, pans-solvents
Plastics in your kitchen like from Tupperware and other containers that possibly contain BPA
Toxic environments are necessary to avoid as well if possible, if we want to find some healing from out symptoms. If you are eating well, supplementing properly and still wondering why you are having symptoms check to see if you are living, working or spending any long amount of time in any of these places:
Golf course-these are heavily sprayed with pesticides to keep the grass green-
City Parks/Playgrounds-Also heavily sprayed with pesticides
Chlorinated Pools-I think we can all see how swimming around in chlorine can’t be good for us. Luckily, now there are a lot of living pools in communities to visit where the water isn’t chlorinated
Having a job as a groundskeeper, housekeep or any other jobs site where toxic chemical, products or materials are prominent and being used
Homes currently cleaned with carpet cleaner
Freshly painted homes, apartments or buildings
Homes, apartments, buildings and workspaces with mold
It may seem unfair that we have to do so much work to avoid certain products, swap out for cleaner ones and worry about the consequences of the frequency of our use.It seems unfair because it is unfair especially since big corporations profit off of us getting sick and continuing the use of their products for the low prices and frankly, just because we’re use to it.
The bright side of this, as I’m really trying to see lately, is that I am appreciative to have these experiences to now know the truth and to be able to share them with you so that you can make your own choices and possibly save you or a loved one a trip to the doctors or worse, an illness exacerbated by something as innocent as the liquid you use to clean your clothes.
So what can we do? For one, don’t be down and out about the present state of toxic products, environments in the U.S. We have the power to vote with our dollar and support the companies, products and DIY tips that support non-toxic living. We can avoid toxic products and find better ones.
We can ask to become aware of the instances in our lives when we can learn a lesson that will better serve us in the future. For me, it was an experience I had that provided the opportunity to see what I had learned and read put into action. A few months ago, I was in a room with a Glade plug in and almost immediately I could feel pain in my groin and head. I was amazed by how quickly it affected me. I’ve also heard of people finding out their local park spraying schedules and avoiding on the parks and playgrounds on those days.
So what if we have made the switch from toxic to clean, what about the years of toxicity our livers encountered? Consider a safe cleanse such as Medical Medium’s Liver Detox Cleanse which can be found in his book Liver Rescue. Today is the first day of the cleanse for me to jumpstart getting rid of my own toxic load from years of using these products so I can fight the EBV in my reproductive tract head on.
Making the switch from toxic products doesn’t have to be work. Have some fun with it! Start with seeing how the products in your cabinet rate over at EWG.ORG and follow along my Instagram journey for inspiration.
Do you have any experience with toxic products/environments affecting your health?
Do you have any clean products that you use and love? Or ideas for avoiding toxic environments?
Endometriosis is as much a disease of the ovaries as it can be a disease of relationships. The pain that appears imaginary to the other people in your life leaves you debilitated most times, depressed and depleted. When friends and loved ones don’t know what to say or do, or don’t understand the chronic illness, or worse, don’t believe that it exists, it can be extremely painful and can leave you feeling depressed and isolated.
It’s easy to look back on my life and see the many times when I was experiencing what I didn’t realize were symptoms of endometriosis and was unable to express what it was, how I was feeling and what I was going through. I have only now just started to become aware of the social and mental ramifications of this chronic illness.
Outings and invitations to events with everyone wondering why you’re always absent. Sure, some of it was me being my introvert self but many times in my life I brushed off the anxiety and depression I was feeling as normal. Eventually, you stop being asked to hang out, get bugged by your partner for not ‘being social enough’ and fall into a deeper depression. It can be frustrating and emotionally exhausting.
It can be devastating to watch your relationships with other people change. It’s sometimes difficult for people to be compassionate about endometriosis because no one can’t see it, you may not even look sick yet it can still have a huge impact on your health and how you feel physically and mentally in your daily life. After all, endometriosis is caused by an imbalance of hormones and when your hormones are out of whack it affects your mood and ability to cope a lot of the time.
Symptoms like pelvic pain, painful urination, pain during sex, lowered immune defenses, lower back pain, intestinal pain, mood swings, anxiety, depression, isolation, blood clotting, extremely painful periods, heavy periods, bowel changes-lose stools and excessive diarrhea, bloating and infertility, affect the other people in your life too. Watching someone you love go through something like this can also leave you feeling powerless and confused as how to help them and move forward. That’s why sometimes people leave your life or stay in it and remain unsupportive. My advice is that if the people in your life are giving you a hard time or not supporting your for what you’re going through, try to be around them less.
The people in your life who really want to be in it and love you will do their own research into endometriosis, ask questions and make sure you’re comfortable in certain situations like love-making (something that can be quite painful for women with endo), or at restaurants because they know certain foods can cause inflammation, or in social situations where anxiety can be high.
One of the most difficult things about finding out I have endometriosis was to be accused of using endometriosis as an excuse to be lazy because many times the symptoms leave you inactive a lot of the time. It was even more frustrating for me because just as I found out what was going on with me and felt I got my chance at fixing it, some of my most cherished relationships ended. Here I was thinking that I was finally on the road toward healing and in turn healing my relationships, but that just wasn’t so.
At first this was devastating for me but over time I’ve come to realize that I don’t need anyone to understand me but me. Only I truly know what I’ve been going through over the years and if someone else doesn’t understand that, it’s OK. I don’t need them in my life. The right people will be understanding and gentle about what you’re going through. If you’re like me and have lost people after finding out you had endometriosis, try to see it as a positive thing and put the focus toward your own healing. The people who have fallen along the wayside are the unfortunate folks who lack compassion and aren’t deserving of being in your life.
You may not be surprised to learn that holistic healers see imbalanced mothering to be the emotional root cause of endometriosis. Perhaps a woman who is not giving to herself as she is to others. One who puts everyone else before her, her children, a partner and their family, a career, friends, co-workers, clients- leaving very little self care and self love for herself, concepts only now beginning to surface in American society and become recognized as vital to mental health and well being.
When it comes to those who you surround yourself with be choosey. More than ever you need people in your life who can be positive cheerleaders. People who love and support you no matter what. If you don’t have that right now don’t worry or think too much on it, be joyful and happy and receiving of the exact love and support you desire and it will surely find its way to you. Always remember, it’s better to be alone, even in your illness, than to be surrounded by negative, unsupportive people.
I’m lucky that I became aware of the unsupportive people early on in my diagnosis and that cleared the way for me to be able to see who is there. Who does care. I’m making sure to surround myself with them more. Have more conversations with them and most importantly, give back to them as they do to me. Illness or not, compassion and caring is a two-way street. Nourishing and cherishing these relationships is part of my healing because when I’m putting focus on the people who treat me well and support me and I do the same back, I’m bringing more of that into my life (self love in action!)
On the contrast, it’s important not to become defined by this chronic illness. For a while I began following all the endometriosis accounts I could, looking for support groups and spending all of my time researching and learning about the subject (this is how I cope). And while this can be great for emotional support, learning and healing, it can also be a rabbit hole. I began seeing a lot of ‘Debbie-downer’ stuff in my feed about the illness, what a bummer it was and worse, questions about supporting a life of pain and how to live with it with questions like, ‘I’m just out of college, what are the best jobs to apply for when you have endo because I can’t move around/do much?’
Seeing stuff like this breaks my heart because I know that for most women there are answers out there to help them live a life with endometriosis that isn’t so debilitating. So I stopped following accounts that weren’t about solutions and too much about complaining. Don’t get me wrong, endometriosis can be painful as a motherfucker and a real life ruiner but I just can buy into the negativity anymore and really believe that we as a society can get ahold of this illness that affects 1 in 10 women. I’ve already proven this in with my own body. I’m not cured by any means and my hormones still need some serious balancing but I’m working on it and some months I go without any pain whatsoever which is a huge improvement for me.
Another thing that made me realize my role in this whole things was a section in a Chakras book I’d gotten a long time ago. For one reason or another I picked it up recently and turned to the section about the sacral chakra which happens to lie in the reproductive area. Many believe that whatever emotional issues lie in the sacral chakra are related to the diseases there such as endometriosis.
One of the themes of the sacral chakra is relationships. As I read the material I began to understand why my role may have played in my illness as well. Consider the following from The Chakra Bible;
“The wholeness in the second Chakra is concerned with our ability to give and receive love-knowing that we are lovable and loved. These basic human emotions establish a positive identity for us at a deep core level of our being. When we know that we can give and receive love unconditionally, we can give emotional support to others again without condition. This Chakra is therefore also about friendship-our ability to relate to others on a deeper-than-everyday level. How do you see your friendships?”
The realization that hit me after reading this could be related to a light bulb, a shock, a hurricane or bomb going off. I was that stunted by the material, that knowing and aware that I knew it pertained to me. For as long as I can remember I’ve held my love for only those I’ve felt deserving of it. Those earning and willing to give what I expected in return. If I’ve ever gotten the slightest whiff of disloyalty, disagreement, dishonor, rude or mean demeanor or distrust, I cut off all loving flow and energy leaving me. I withhold it like a prize to the best in show. There is some good that comes of this-protection, awareness, honor and pride. But mostly it just feels lousy for the person trying to protect themselves. Withholding love, compassion and forgiveness from others will only cause you more pain.
I couldn’t ignore this new (to me) information that I’d related to my illness and what I once saw as my failed relationships. Now I’m more aware of others’ roles in my illness as well as my own. I can take ownership of my failures and mistakes and also be aware of those who don’t hold the compassion it takes to have a special relationship with a special person like myself.
There is still so much more for me to learn and so much growth to be had. And here I am, arms open, willing, scared but confident that the right people will find me and I will find them in return. I know because it’s already happening…
Have your relationships changed since being diagnosed with endometriosis or another ailment affecting the female reproductive system? I would love to hear from you!
*Please be aware that it’s a huge mistake to think that reading one blog or talking to one woman about her experience defines the entirety of the illness. If you want to know more, research, ask questions and know that not all endo sufferers are the same! 🙂
When I look back on that day in middle school when I had my period for the first time, I mostly remember one thing–how terrified I was. On the bus on the way home I could feel that something was happening down there and I had the terrifying thought that I had started my period but couldn’t check until I got home. It was still another excruciating couple of blocks before I got home. I walked briskly home leaving my sister behind me in the dust, sweating through my maroon t-shirt to get home. It’s funny, I can’t remember what I ate for lunch last Tuesday but I can remember that I was wearing that maroon t-shirt. Maybe because I remember the irony I’d noticed later looking down at my once fresh, new and pristine undies that were now stained the color of my shirt.
When my dread was confirmed I locked myself in the bathroom for a bit trying to figure out what to do. I knew one thing, I wasn’t going to tell many people. I was embarrassed, nervous and going through an emotional upheaval based on what little I already knew about what the appearance of this blood meant from family members, friends and the media. Not only did I not emotionally feel good, I felt physically bloated and had terrible cramps.
There are so many things I know now that I wish I knew then. The most important being that menstruating is a beautiful, natural thing that should be celebrated and that it should be known that with this monthly menstruation comes a message from your body about what is going on with your health. Something important I’ve learned through school, research, and some wonderful books on the female body, is that your body is always working for you and pain is a message from our bodies to take better care of ourselves and adopt self care habits that will ensure we are a healthy young women who would grow into a healthy adults.
When it comes to menstruating, statistically speaking, there are some women who are more prone to heavier, more irregular periods, PMS and painful menstruation than others. I believe it’s important to know where you lie on this spectrum as it helps to pinpoint what will work for you specifically for your individual symptoms whether it be affirmations and/or therapy for the emotional aspect of your ailment or specific foods and/or supplementation for the physical…
Women who are children of alcoholic mothers *Mother Daughter Wisdom
Women who have endured some form of sexual abuse *Mother Daughter Wisdom
Women who have a history of negative association with menstruating
Women with certain lifestyle and eating habits– For instance, dairy in all forms has been proven to be harmful for cysts *Mother Daughter Wisdom
Women who have a history of cysts, PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome, multiple cysts), and endometriosis
Women who have lost themselves to their families, careers or illness and have lost their creative drive *Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom
With every change in life there are of course many ways to look at the situation, to define and perceive it and as I said earlier, your environment can affect what you think about the subject. Here are some false things I grew up believing about periods..
It was going to be painful no matter what- It’s all I ever heard from family and friends and saw in the media about periods. Also…..
I had a ‘family history’ of heavy periods so I was doomed– and serious menstrual symptoms that my Mom believed were sure to follow me throughout my life. My Mom would apologize profusely every time my sister or I went through our ‘monthly pain’ acknowledging that it was common on her side of the family. Which may be true for many people but I am living proof that you can change the destiny of your genes.
Having your period was something to be ashamed of and embarrassed about-There are many places this belief may have come for me but most notably I think would be the fact that it was, and still is in many cases, the societal norm to not discuss this topic or discuss it in private. It’s not like this for every family, every group of friends or with all men in one’s life but a woman can still associate her period as something negative. The media has defined periods in a generally negative light as men say things like ‘watch out she’s on the rag’ or they blame a woman’s strong emotion’s or bitchiness on her period. While it’s true that hormones around this times cause us to draw inward and evaluate, it’s certainly not true that women are always bitchy during this time. Maybe if we were given some alone time and a break by fellow women and by strong men and we were taught to work on balancing our hormones, we would get through our cycles with much more ease.
Feminine products were gross and difficult to use–I’m not sure if I created this fear on my own but seeing the many ‘scented’ pads and tampons surely played a part in making me feel like I needed these perfumed, and it turns out, toxic, feminine products to cover up any gross smells. I can’t help but wonder if this caused that shame I felt about this part of my life.
Because of my fears and beliefs surrounding menstruation I proceeded to hide that I had begun my period even from my it from my best friend at the time until she ‘started’ too. And it wasn’t just me that was ashamed of having my period that, shame was everywhere I looked, on pad and tampon packaging, the way they made sure to scent everything so we didn’t smell bad, it was in their ads on TV in the faces of the embarrassed women struggling to get through their day with the dreaded curse. It the was the boys at school and the men on television who would be disgusted by the topic only commenting with the same familiar, stale joke, “Watch out for, (insert menstruating women’s name here), it must be her time of the month.”
Outside of the men I saw portrayed in the media and in real life there were other women as well, that held judgements, strong judgements about menstruation. I remember another instance in middle school when an older female student asked fellow classmates in the bathroom if they had a tampon because she had unexpectedly started her period. When I, the only girl to offer help, reached into my backpack and offered her a pad, she laughed.
“I haven’t used one of these in forever.”
I felt mortified for not having a tampon even though at the time I wasn’t really good at using them and they were a lot more uncomfortable for me and as it turns out, toxic for everyone. After this experience I felt the social pressure to use tampons as I didn’t want to stand out and eventually they became my regular form of coverage along with a pad for extra protection because my periods were so heavy.
My first impression of menstruating isn’t uncommon as women around the world hold stories of discomfort surrounding menstruating. How could it be though, that something so human something that is the very essence of creation and life, is such an untouched, unspoken subject? Menstruation is the reason you and I are here, the root of creativity, where ideas are born and achieved.
Over the years I’ve adopted some tricks that have helped me through what I learned to believe was a difficult time of the month. You women know what I mean- large bottles of pain killers, extra thick pads, overnight pads, daytime pads and tampons for light days, regular days, heavy days, extra heavy days, chocolate usually in the form of candy bars, my stretchiest pants and the lest amount of activity possible.
But now as I’ve changed my eating, and in turn, some of my lifestyle habits, many of my period tricks have evolved into more holistic practices that are outside the realm of societal prejudices toward periods. For instance, I don’t have a big bottle of pain killers anymore. It’s not that I don’t still have some painful periods days, it’s just that my diet and lifestyle changes have significantly helped with the pain and I’ve found more natural ways to ease it.
My cravings have also changed. I still crave chocolate but not the heavily processed kind anymore and not in the form of milk chocolate which has dairy and loads of processed sugar both which are bad for cramps. These days I try to stick to raw cacao, (look for at least 70% cacao on your chocolate packages), as much as possible to put drinks, shakes and ‘nice cream’ or just to eat on its own. I’ve also learned that my chocolate cravings may stem from low magnesium during mensus so I’m sure to check my levels before diving into too much chocolate. Sometimes having that knowledge is enough to let the craving pass.
As far as the rest goes, some habits die hard, I still love to put on stretchy pants, get on the couch with some treats and do nothing. And that’s OK. It’s actually recommended that your activities are low-impact during menstruation. I think this important fact has gotten lost in the beliefs we have surrounding menstruation.
Some people think that less activity during this time is just lazy and women are using it as an excuse. Other cultures won’t dare let a woman play a sport or be involved in certain community events because of the belief that women are unclean during this time and may negatively affect ceremonies, etc. If you think think ads like these and beliefs like these are old, consoder these excerpts from an article called “Around the World in 28 Periods” written in 2016.
“In Afghanistan during menstruation, women avoid washing their vaginas because they are told it can lead to infertility. Compounding the issue is the lack of access to clean pads. A single menstrual pad costs $4 USD in Afghanistan. Sixty-two percent of Afghani schoolgirls report using strips of torn clothing, and many hold off on washing them until nightfall to keep it a secret.”
“School girls in Bolivia can often be found carrying around used menstrual pads in their backpacks all day because they are told that menstrual blood is so dangerous it can cause diseases like cancer if it’s mixed in with other trash.”
“I got my period at 12 in Barbados. The women there use pads, and if you’re in a stall, you can smell when a woman in the next stall is using them. Back in Barbados, women didn’t really wear tampons, or at least they didn’t mention it much if they did. Women wearing tampons were seen as not virgins, and slutty. One times my cousin put a tampon in a cup of water and showed me how it expanded, saying the same would happen if I put one in. I was so freaked out!”
“The first time I tried a tampon was for a Rihanna concert. I was wearing a white skirt, and my blood flow was really heavy. I didn’t find out until after the concert that I had leaked all throughout the back of my skirt. My boyfriend came to pick me up and was like, ‘You’re bleeding all over yourself!’ He was such a jerk. We broke up.”
“I was born in Sao Paulo, Brazil, but came to Toronto, Canada, in the early 90s with my dad. When I decided to come back to Brazil, it was to dig deeper into my roots..But it’s so hard finding natural products here. you would think Brazil, being so enriched with nature, would start evoking better and healthier ways of taking care of what we put into our bodies. Recently I found what they call a Diva Cup here in Brazil. There are still not enough people aware of it; they think, ‘this is a hippie thing.'”
“In Chinese culture, women’s sexuality is not frowned upon necessarily, but it’s not talked about. I remember when I was young and moved to Canada from Hong Kong, I would see pad and tampon ads just plastered around. If you were back in Hong Kong, it wouldn’t be like that.”
As you can see, if you felt alone in your period shame you are not alone. Obviously some cultures and areas develop more shame surrounding menstruation than others but it paints a pretty general picture about how we handle the subject.
The habits that I have adopted that have helped me to physically better the symptoms of my menstruation as well as to emotionally change my beliefs surrounding menstruating have truly been a game changer for me. Here are some things that I have found to relieve my menstrual symptoms as well as some things I avoid during this truly magical, maddening time of the month.
Caffeine– Caffeine can worsen cramps during this time of the month because it restricts blood flow. I try having less caffeine in my diet during this week as well as the week prior to my period.
Dairy-Avoiding dairy before, during and truthfully, most of the time, has helped my menstrual cycles tenfold. For more info on what may be the cause check here.
Alcohol–Alcohol temporarily increases progesterone and estrogen levels and stresses the liver which at this time of month is trying to flush out excess estrogen so it’s best to avoid it in the time leading up to your period and during your period so you don’t overwork it.
Heavily Fried Foods-During this time of the month for women, there is surprisingly an even more hushed topic when it comes to our periods and that’s something else that happens to women, which can be symptoms similar to the flu. In other words, upset stomach and diarrhea. Avoiding fried foods can help with these symptoms.
Avoiding/Lessening Contact with Men and Women Who Aren’t Supportive of these changes-Eliminating people in my life who joke about and/or don’t understand women’s bodies and have no intention of learning about them have been asked to exit stage left. It seems drastic but but having anyone in your life who isn’t willing to understand what you go through as a female isn’t worth having around. Someone who won’t pick up some extra thick pads for you at the store because they are embarrassed, someone who mocks you about your blood and cramps, these are people who are uncomfortable about the subject which is natural considering our cultural view about menstruation and can be mostly easily forgiven. But if someone continues to berate the process of femininity because they are uncomfortable with it, over time, you will come to realize that it’s not your job to be their teacher. Move on.
Eat or Drink your Greens-Spinach, kale-any type of green will do and in any form you like. If it needs to be quick and easy, throw them in a smoothie. I try to have them throughout the day, a little with each meal. Spinach in particular helps bloat so consider putting that in a juice, smoothie or juice to start your day.
Water–Plenty of water helps keep blood flow regular and the body hydrated during this time. Having water with lemon is even better as it helps pass toxins through the liver & reduces symptoms related to menstruation.
Eat REAL Chocolate and take a Magnesium supplement-Go ahead and give in to the craving, just do it in a way that won’t leave you feeling more bloated or even pounds heavier in the long rung. Try looking for dark chocolate that is at least 70% raw cacao (50 or above is good too if you can’t find 70%).
Eat Beets-Great source of iron which is lost during this time through menstruation.
Try Maca-Introduducing this dried root veggies into your diet may help with menstrual cramps and bloating.
Nettle Leaf-You can get this dried or in liquid form and drink it to help ease cramps and bloating.
Muellin Leaf- I use this in liquid form to help relief cramps and bloating.
Acupuncture-All of my research on heavy periods has led me to try acupuncture for helping with relieving cramping, bloating and for the release of stagnant blood flow which helps you to have better periods.
Eat More Sea Veggies-Another great source of iron to replenish you during this time.
Take a Time Out-Since the menstrual cycle isn’t the only cycle we go through in a month, (yes, surprise if you didn’t know that we have four cycles throughout the month and menstruation is only one of them), it makes sense to rest during this time. Consider this excerpt from an article by Alissa Vitti author of Woman Code; “While bleeding women usually fall into 1 of 2 categories: those who need to curl up in a ball on the first day of their periods and those who feel an energy surge. Either way, we recommend giving your body rest during this phase and engaging in gentle movement if anything at all. Even if you feel a rush of energy, it’s not always the best to expend it right away – if you keep the energy contained at the beginning of your cycle, it will better serve you throughout the rest of the month. Examples: stretching in bed, light yoga, walking.” For more info please check out Woman Code the book and visit floliving for all the info and stats that I can’t fit in this post. Her information is vital to women’s health in 2018 and the sooner we start our journey the better. Here’s a good Period Workout with some other great ideas for helping cramping and bloating.
Reduce Stress-More easily said than done but for me, this was huge. Changing my environment, the people I surround myself with, (or if you can’t at least less contact), reducing stressful situations concerning work, family, etc. has played a huge role in my recovery.
Join 2018 and Try out the New Products That Are Available to Us- As women living in 2018 today we are so lucky to have so many options for period help and period relief that aren’t toxic for us. Consider trying out some of these products created to make menstruation more of a celebration than a hassle. -*One thing to try is THINX, a new product promised to help ease period woes has caught my attention. This new period-proof underwear is said to save you from leaks allowing women to feel more comfortable and relaxed by having a backup plan. I haven’t tried them yet but reviewers for the undies say they can serve as complete coverage on light days and one reviewer even wore it as a bathing suit. Sign me up! Get yours at: https://www.shethinx.com *Luna Pads-Reusable pads that can be easily attached to your undies and are washable! What a dream 🙂 https://lunapads.com/
Affirmations, positives thoughts and words surrounding your menstruation-No matter how old you are, looking upon this time of month in a negative way and having negative thoughts surrounding your menstruation will negatively affect your experience just like with anything. A great affirmation that I got from Louise Hay is, ‘I love being female. I love my vagina and I embrace my femininity.’
Hot Water Bottle-A great way to lessen cramping symptoms is using a hot water bottle. Just put hot water into a plastic bottle, wrap a pillowcase around it and place it on your lower belly for 15 to 20 minutes. It works great and is safe to fall asleep with at night compared to a heating pad.
Celebrating you period especially a young women’s first one in order to set the tone for the way she looks at her menstruation in the future–Taking the first day of your period to treat yourself to some self care is a wonderful way to ease into your menstruation and to kickstart it in a positive way. Taking Dr. Christianne Northrup’s tips on celebrating a young women’s start of menstruation is also a great way to set a positive tone for her outlook on it in the future.
I’ve come a long way from that first day 22 years ago when I started my period on the on the city bus. It hasn’t been the smoothest of paths to get here but my hope is that from what I’ve learned and all there is to share about the subject that we as a country and a world, come to a deeper understanding of menstruation and how it truly is the root to all life.
What have you found helpful or hurtful to your period?
Do you think society impacted how you see menstruation?
Meditation is something that has been recommended to me and I’ve ignored it for many years. Whether someone said it helped with anxiety or sleep, I nodded like I’d give it a try and blew it off as a practice that would work for other people but not me. I didn’t really think I needed it. I had other things I did to relax. But somehow the idea of meditation began following me everywhere I was-I was surrounded with more advice everyday from everywhere, to meditate with a growing list of benefits.
At this point, I couldn’t ignore the advice any longer. But how was I going to make this stick? It was nice that I wanted to do it but nothing had changed really, the same old challenges still stood in my way-inability to concentrate, my twitching and eye fluttering, judgement about how I look doing it and truthfully, I still had doubts that it would really work for me.
Cue the 30 day meditate challenge I created for myself to mediate everyday for 30 days. Nothing fancy, no real rules just meditate, even just for a few minutes, each day and see what results it brings. I was inspired by an Instagrammer I follow, Lee From America who made it one of her monthly intentions to meditate for the next thirty days. Sharing my promise to myself to meditate is what helps me stay accountable and actually do it. It also helps to create community and hopefully you’ll join me in the challenge too.
To get you inspired here are some things that meditation can help with;
HPA-axis dysfunction (stress related health issue)
Focus and concentration throughout the rest of the day
Symptoms of endometriosis
Children with behavioral problems (but really any kids can benefit and the younger you start them the better)
There are no rules to meditation. Here are some places to consider meditating to take the stress out of it is you don’t think you have time…
In your car-whether you’re just outside of your house or work or the grocery store, if you know this is going to be your only alone time for the day, consider meditating.
In the bathroom-if you alone time is typically during your showers in the morning, use this time to meditate. Make a comfy cushion of towels on the floor and wear your robe if you have one.
In a room with a divider, curtain or sign that says you need privacy-if you truly can’t get alone to mediate, don’t let that stop you either. I’m currently in a very small space and my boyfriend and I use a divider
Backyard, porch or garden-it may be hard this time of year but if you can get outside do, it will intensify your meditation.
Gabrielle Bernstein- hers are free and simple and the ones I tend to use the most.
Bexlife-she’s a Mom to like, five kids so if she can set aside 4 minutes to meditate, so can you.
Calm app-It’s an application that you can get on your phone or other device like an iPad and use quite simply. There are lots of prompts and the voice is calming.
Do you have a meditation practice that you use and love? Please share!
Once it hit October this year I felt it coming, that old familiar holiday feeling. But this year when the holidays inevitably crept up it wasn’t exactly the same feeling as years past. How could it be with my Mom’s absence? Which was made all the worse by remembering my Dad’s absence and that this would be my first holiday season without them both.
There is a lot of advice out there on what to do your first celebration without a loved one to help adjust to the changed holiday. From advising that you don’t make any changes to your plans fearing you may a nervous breakdown, to recommending not cooking going out to dinner instead and everything in between like donating your time to a good cause, staying close to loved ones or avoiding them all together-the advice list goes on and on. It’s all good advice and I imagine that different things work for different people. After reading countless articles and meditating on the idea myself, I still wasn’t sure how I would celebrate the holidays that would make me feel comfortable.
I knew one thing for sure, it wouldn’t be the same and I would probably be dealing with a lot of emotions. So after a couple of weeks of back and forth about what to do, I decided to do something totally out of my comfort zone-run a 5k on Thanksgiving morning. Four miles may no seem like a big deal but for me, running at all was a huge accomplishment. It all started when we first moved back to Chico a few weeks ago and I saw a sign for the Thanksgiving Day 5k on a store window downtown. I pointed it out to Mando and joked that it would be fun. At that point we were still throwing around Thanksgiving Day plans and didn’t know where we would be or what we would be doing. But something deep inside me was nagging me, urging me not to make plans and to celebrate quietly here in Chico.
But old fashion guilt has a way of making you feel like your desires aren’t what they should be and so I continued to bat around the idea of celebrating elsewhere. But the truth was, my heart just wasn’t in it. We’d been traveling a lot lately and I didn’t want to get back into the car and drive far away and stay at someone else’s place when I felt like we just got here, (we moved in early November). I guess that fact that we don’t have kids or pets (but we do have plants and a watering can in the shape of an elephant names Fante that I talked to often), sometimes leaves me feeling like the family I have, (Mando and I), isn’t sufficient enough.
I said these same words out loud to my therapist a couple of days ago and realized that it just wasn’t true. The truth was that I did think that Mando and I were enough, I just didn’t think anyone else did always felt that the bigger the gathering for celebrations, the better. I was stuck on this old pattern of thought also worried what other people thought of how I defined family and how I celebrated the holidays. It was my old thinking trying to creep its way back into my head. It’s also not surprising that the idea of conventional family bothers me because my Astrological sun sign is Cancer which is the sign of home, family and domesticity.
I was once told by a fellow Astrology enthusiast that when these aspects in a Cancer’s life are in disarray, that person is in disarray. It’s was an Astrological connection that rang so true for me and that I could connect back to my childhood, especially because my family has never been conventional and I think on some level I’ve resented that. Even today in low moments, I think of my Mom’s unexpected death and get angry that yet again, I didn’t get to say goodbye to a parent and my family unit is once again, turned upside down. Would it be too much to ask for a normal family like in the holiday commercials and ads? For us to all want to be around each other and able to be, to accept each other for who we are and listen to one another, for my Mom to be here like she’s supposed to be. And puffy white clouds, unicorns and snowflakes and all that crap.
When I come down from that negativity I can clearly see there’s someone out there that has it worse than me for sure. That no one has normal.That we’re all striving for better and are doing our best. I’ve come to learn however, that happy families are happy because they just don’t expect or define normal like the rest of us living in misery do. They don’t want to be normal they change their normal when they realize that the good of the family unit is compromised. If an aware family realizes that something is up-there are secrets, upsets, addictions, illness, depression, jealousy, resentment- they confront it. No matter how uncomfortable it is to have these conversations, to address the things people don’t want to address and make change with action, they do it because to continue on in such a way as a family would be false and hurtful to family members.
Redefining what family and the holidays mean has become an important part of me moving through my grief. Losing someone so close to me makes me realize that family is what you make of it and who you surround yourself with. It doesn’t matter how big or small the gathering but the quality of the people you keep and the joy you bring one another.
That brings me to some of the good tips I found for the grieving on the holidays. Whether you’ve lost someone recently or are still feeling their absence years later, ignoring their missing spot at the table is the last thing you should do.
Try some of these instead…..
Acknowledge your grief-Acknowledging the absence of a loved one is important around the holidays. The ornaments they loved, the desserts that were their favorite and everything in between can’t go unspoken or unnoticed. Make sure to talk and cry about your loved one
Don’t do nothing-Even if you’re not sure what to do and let it go to the last minute, take that friend up on their offer to join them for holiday dessert. Hiding from the world and putting yourself in a position where you’re alone for the holidays will make you more sad and can be unhealthy. Remember, you don’t have to do ALL the things just make sure you do something.
Do something non-traditional-You have to face the fact that the holidays will never be the same again without your loved one. So why should the celebrations continue to be the same? Death is a chance to add new traditions and do something out of your comfort zone that takes your mind off missing your loved one. Think vacation for Thanksgiving, going to the movie theater or out to dinner instead of gathering at home. Switching up your traditions allows you to handle the change better.
Do something in remembrance-Making your loved ones favorite dish or setting a place for them at the table is a nice way to remember your loved one and also still enjoy the holiday.
Expand your definition of tradition and let it change-The holidays will never be the same. Not without the person you lost so don’t pretend it will be. Allow yourself to do something different at least for the first year if that’s what you feel comfortable with. You can opt in and out of holiday events as you feel comfortable and shouldn’t worry if you change what you do from year to year.
Put a twist on a favorite tradition-It could be anything that comes to mind and may even be something that before you lost your loved one you never thought you’d do like putting a twist on your grandmother’s pumpkin pie recipe because you know you’ll never make it the same way she does, it keeps the tradition going and keeps you connected to your loved one. Losing someone is a great time to start a new tradition to prove to yourself that life does go on.
How do you deal with your grief during the holidays? Have you started any new traditions or kept old ones going now that your loved one is gone?
When I was preparing myself for a diagnoses over the summer and last couple months of doctors appointments, I never thought my life would change this much as a result of an illness. But that’s probably what everyone says when they get sick. In fact, I’ve heard it from the sick people themselves. They also say that their illness was a blessing in disguise, a conclusion I too, am coming to each day as I navigate this new part of my life. Because unfortunately, it’s not something that ever really goes away but is more of a daily practice and mindful work to feel better and reduce my symptoms.
At first and still in some down moments I find it hard to see the bright side of my diagnosis. It’s changed me and my life more than I ever thought it could. For example, the act of making and finding healthy, tasty food was once a passion of mine has now become a necessity. It’s taken a little of the luster out of cooking and made it more of a chore. While before this I was eating healthy by choice using the 80/20 rule, with 80% of the time eating healthy and 20% being relaxed about what to eat, now I MUST eat well otherwise my symptoms flare up.
Needless to say it’s been an emotional roller coaster but still one I feel very lucky to be on because it’s taught me so much. To appreciate my health, loved ones and to focus on what really matters in life. It’s forced my hand on lifestyle matters that I was moving sluggishly to adopt like meditating, exercising and addressing certain stressors in my life. It’s also brought some new things into my life that I might not have otherwise been here if it weren’t for endometriosis.
Here are some things that I’ve fallen in love with thanks to Endometriosis….
Comfortable clothes-Items like my used velvet pants that I got in Portland or my cotton onesie purchased in Eugene, (thanks Oregon), have become favorites on days when I’m feeling really bloated or in pain. Tight clothes just put too much pressure around my lower waist and hips.
Essential oils–Essential oils like Clary Sage, Frankincense and Geranium are known to provide pain relief when rubbed around the problem area (for topical use only).
Putting Myself First-It’s not always easy and feels selfish at times but making a daily commitment to put myself first and give myself what I need really allows me to be better for the other people in my life. I’ve adopted extreme self care and learned to say NO when everything in my being is against saying yes.
Tea–I can’t tell you how many cups of tea per day that I now drink-it’s absurd. But I can’t drink coffee (caffeine is bad for endometriosis), alcohol or Kombucha (alcohol in any form aggravates the symptoms of endo), anymore so I needed something to enjoy. My favorites are Numi and Traditional Medicinals, caffeine free flavors of course
Teeccino– Because I get tired of tea at times and because it’s really hard giving up coffee, Teeccino, an herbal coffee that I found on Amazon that tastes just like coffee has been a real treat. I’m so in love with the product that I recently became a brand ambassador for them and can’t wait to share this wonderful product and its benefits with you.
Resting–It’s in my nature to want to always want to know what the next activity is, the next thing on the to do list, without giving myself much of a break in between until I put so much on my plate that I come to a crashing halt. It’s only now that I’m dealing with endometriosis that I’ve finally seen the benefits of resting when I need to.
Walking Away From Stress–I’m learning just how much my cortisol levels affect my hormones which in turn may have lead to the aggregation of my endometriosis. So it’s important to watch my stress levels just as it is to watch what I eat. I now walk away when I’m getting too stressed and stat away from situations that I think will be stressful for me. But this isn’t always possible so I’m also trying to learn to deal with life stressors better.
Exercise-Although I shied away from it at first because at some times my pain has been too much to be able to workout, but now I’m learning to listen to my body and how much energy it wants to exude. Following Woman Codeprotocol for exercise has been tremendously helpful and I actually look forward to working out. It maybe because I know it won’t be the same every time.
Epsom Salt Baths-They’re not only relaxing but they provide magnesium which may be low in women with endometriosis. They also detox the liver through the skin which helps flush out excess estrogen and provide pain relief.
Stretching–Most mornings I wake up, my body screaming to be stretched. Mostly in the hips, thighs and butt. Some days I need to stretch more than others but it’s a become a MUST everyday. I think it’s something that I should’ve been doing my whole life and now find myself doing whenever I need to throughout the day. The body takes so much wear and tear and stretching in itself can be exercise especially when my energy is low like during my menstrual phase.
Meditation–I’m still getting into doing this on the regular but I so enjoy it when I do. I’ve used the calm application and Gabrielle Berstein meditations.
Expressing and Feeling my Feelings-It’s important to feel whatever negative feelings you may have about your diagnosis. Talk and cry about them before you can release them.
Focusing on Creativity, Relationships and Sexuality-Endometriosis resides in the sacral region or second chakra which relates to the emotional body, sexuality, creativity, relationships and relating. There is a lot more information out there about it but briefly I’ll say that this information has led me to examine these aspects of my life to see whether or not they’re imbalanced and in many instances, I must admit, that they are. Noticing this imbalance is the first step and its up to me to make sure I don’t let my attention to these areas slip again.
Do you have endometriosis? What works for you when your symptoms are flaring up?
On the morning of my appointment to find out the results of my MRI, I made sure to eat breakfast before the appointment to calm my nerves. I’d already skipped breakfast before my MRI and some of my other appointments due to my nervousness. This would be the appointment where I would go in with a full stomach which I thought I really needed since I was going to finally find out if my pain was coming from more than ovarian cysts.
I thought back to the MRI just a couple of weeks earlier experience, but couldn’t’ help it. I remember it being much like I imagined being raised down into a coffin would be. And my feet got really cold. I remember regretting my decision not to wear bigger, warmer socks. I remember the woman who did the MRI being really nice, how she’d asked what kind of music I would like and I said anything but head-banging music and country. Then I remembered where I was and felt bad, trying to redeem myself saying that it wasn’t that bad even though I really did thin it was. She only blinked, smiled and said, ‘Everybody here likes country, I understand it gets to be a little much.’
I remembered how the music wasn’t nearly loud enough to drown out the machine’s deafening sound. I wanted desperately for it to be over so I could get up and out and finally figure out which song was playing. Oh, and what was wrong with me. I remembered how I’d asked her after it was over if she saw a mass on my left side and how she’d turned away from me uncomfortable, scared to say too much. How when I assured her that I understood that she couldn’t offer too much information, she’d confessed that there was a large mass followed quickly with a comment about how the doctors would take care of me. I remembered how I’d wanted to push her aside and see the screen for myself. Unsure, really of what that would do other than give me a very short-lived bout of control over my situation that may very soon lead to dread.
I shook the thought and came back to my current appointment and put my nose back in my book. I was reading Woman Code for the third time. Finally the doctor came in and got straight to the point. She said that it wasn’t conclusive but that it looked very much like I have endometriosis. A condition where the cells lining the uterus, endometrial cells, begin to form outside of the uterus. These endometrial cells respond to the rise and fall of hormones that occur during and around your period. Which is why menstruation can be so painful for women with endometriosis.
My whole period life flashed before my eyes, all days spent in excruciating and hundreds of toxic tampons and pads used, ruined underwear, depression and anxiety, all symptoms I’d deemed normal occurrences for any woman who had her period. Now here I was, 20 years later finding out that these were all warning signs. My body trying to tell me that something was up. A woman’s menstrual cycle, it’s flow the pain involved, thoughts surrounding her period, are all an indication of the health of a woman. I was wishing I had paid attention earlier and done something about it before now. But there was no sense in looking back and regretting. I’d done enough of that this past year when it came to the death of my Mom. If I’d learned anything over the past year, it was not to wallow in regret. The best thing to do was to feel my feelings, work through them and allow them to inspire a better present and future.
For me that meant not seeing my endometriosis diagnosis as a death sentence. Yes, it was true that it could cause infertility and was already causing me a lot of pain at times. I’ve read accounts where women end up in the hospital from the twisting of organs, internal bleeding and other complications that were enough to send me into a total tailspin. To make matters worse, my choices for pain relief and possible removal of the endometrial tissue were hormonal birth control and surgery. I denied the hormonal birth control and Alissa Vitti’s article on synthetic birth control can briefly explain why but I’ll go into more detail with another blog in the future.
Next, the my gyno told me that we could do laparoscopy to biopsy it to make sure it’s endometriosis and remove the mass. I assured her I’d be back in touch about my decisions, took her pamphlets and proceeded to retreat to my car to absorb this new information. I knew immediately that if it could be avoided, I didn’t want surgery. I’d read before that masses can grow back if you didn’t get to the root of the problem and that could mean more surgeries. I shook my head as if someone were still sitting across from me insisting on surgery. But there wasn’t.
The next things I could think of to do was to book an appointment with an Integrative Doctor, one who could help me get to the root cause of my issue and provide support through supplementation and counseling. The only problem was, I didn’t really have a home. I was staying with Mando and his Mom’s house which was so wonderful to be able to do over the summer and to heal after my Mom’s sudden death. But both Mando and I were feeling that familiar itch again, one that’s hard to explain to the people around you, but we both know all too well, means that we’re ready to go.
We had plans and I had vowed that I could take care of my health anywhere as long as we were doing what we loved. It turns out that another associated cause of endometriosis as seen by really getting to know her clients in Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom, Dr. Christianne Northrup notice that the majority of her patients with endometriosis were having a creative struggle in their lives of some sort. Many times she could connect the link between women who were struggling with the choice between children and career. Something I have not talked about very much but I can certainly relate too considering it’s something I’ve often thought about over the last several years without considering its impact on my life.
This is also something I will talk about more in a future post but for now I want to share the symptoms of endometriosis, foods to avoid and food and lifestyle practices that I’ve found to be helpful against endometriosis symptoms.
The cause of endometriosis involves many factors-
Amount of exercise
Genes-although diet and lifestyle triggers this otherwise dormant issue
Occurs mostly in women of childbearing age
Estrogen and progesterone levels
Emotional issues such as the struggle women go through to decide career over having children
Feeling stuck creatively
Symptoms of Endometriosis
Pain during sex
Women make experience, all, some or none of these symptoms.
Foods To Avoid
Alcohol: consumes Vitamin B and compromises liver function
Caffeine: increases abdominal cramps and estrogen levels
Refined Carbs, including bread, flour, and anything made from refined flour
Dairy: causes inflammation
Fried Foods and Fats: promotes negative prostaglandins
fruits and vegetables, especially dark leafy greens like kale
whole grains *not wheat & rye
Lemon & Lime
Dandelion & mustard greens
Of all the great food I’ve listed, however, just as much attention has to be put to the other aspects of life. For me, being able to put down roots again get into a good routine with exercise, cooking and eating, is something that I think I very much needed and was preventing me from getting better. My stress levels were still a little up and down not knowing where we would be resting our heads for the foreseeable future. I’ve always loved having a space to share with Mando and to have for myself to decorate, cook and be creative. The moment we began bringing our belongings and some furniture into our new home, I could feel myself getting better already.
Lifestyle and stress tips for endometriosis encourage getting in touch with your creative side, putting yourself first especially if you tend to be the type of woman that gives too much before giving and taking care of yourself. It has been referred to as the woman who is mothering everyone else before herself. It turns out that making time to ‘mother yourself’ and practice self care daily is vital for good health.
Consider some of these forms of self care-
Take yourself out to a movie or lunch-just you!
Baths-especially with essential oils and epsom salt help with endo symptoms
Essential oils like clary sage are great for endo pain. Just use a little and rub over cramping area
Castor oil packs
Spending time in nature
Time with friends and family
Creative time for painting, writing, knitting-whatever you like to do!
All of these things and more add up to provide ultimate self care that is easy to forget about. I also think that it’s hard for some people to see what self care truly is after ‘treating’ themselves in the wrong ways for so long. For me, self care used to be having a drink after a stressful day of work or smoking pot and watching a show. I’m not saying these things make you a bad person if you do them, I’ve just come to find that they don’t always help to relieve stress in the same sustainable way that say, exercise or therapy do. So if you’re finding it difficult to practice healthy self care, just try throwing on a face mask between glasses of wine and Netflix, I promise you’ll feel better.
1 in 10 women suffer from endometriosis….
Do you or anyone you know suffer from endometriosis?
If you are experiencing any of the symptoms I’ve talked about, don’t be afraid to make an appointment with your gynecologist today.
Woman Code by Alissa Vitti
Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom by Dr. Christianne Northrup
I’ve debated whether to write this or not as I know many women all over the world have debated whether to share their stories as well. In my case, it’s gotten to the point where I realized I no longer have a choice but to share what happened to me, too.
I’ve realized the decision to not talk more about this story, a few people in my life know about it, comes from fear. But the inability to share my story has led to far too much pain and discomfort and has manifested itself as endometriosis. So I find myself with no other choice than to share.
When I was six years old, two neighbor boys one my age and another older than me by a couple of years, I ended up in the back of my Dad’s broken down cheroco pinned down. It all started playing house and ended with the young boys deciding that they would have sex with me.
I was terrified and screaming as one pretended to drive and the other tried to spread apart my legs. I can still remember the pain in my upper thighs from trying desperately to hold my legs together. Eerily a similar feeling I have as a symptom of my new endometriosis diagnosis. By the grace of God their little sister who was there playing too knew it wasn’t right and ran home to tell her parents what was happening. From there I only remember being swaddled by my angry and scared mother and crying. The aftermath is a blur of finding out that they had been ‘beaten’ by their Dad as punishment. I remember that it became hushed after that and not talked about again for years.
I remember as the years past feeling bad for the boys that they had been beaten, that I had gotten them in trouble. I remember continuing on like it was nothing, playing with the boys and even developing a crush on one later in life. The years passed and as a teen ager my mom brought it up one time, angry at the memory. I was too but couldn’t admit it and snapped at her for mentioning it. I felt ashamed about it, afraid to address it.
I can’t count how many times after that I’ve been grabbed, pinched, butt-slapped, had horribly perverted things said to me, etc. and I’ve laughed it off, brushed it off or only been made temporarily angry by it enough to speak out or do something more permanent. I felt as though that was my role to make things easier but not saying anything. To have defended myself or someone else in a similar situation would’ve caused discomfort and I’ve always wanted to avoid that.
Take care of things quickly and make the problem go away was the action taken in response to what happened to me. Out of fear, out of a lot of things I’m sure and I forgive the people involved and the lack of responsibility taken. But I am no longer afraid to speak out about it. It’s important because things like this don’t go away.
Years later, when I was still living with my mom and had just come home from work, one of these young boys now a grown man, was back to check out the neighborhood and wanted to come inside the house. I could tell he was drunk and that uncomfortable, sick fear rose again in my throat, a similar feeling I’d had when I was six and in the back of that car. The whole short time he was there reminiscing I kept the front door wide open like I used to when I was afraid someone might be in the house. It was silly and irrational but I felt safer.
He left eventually but it reminds me today that it never goes away, you have to talk about it, address it, hold the people accountable because living your life in fear is just not an option. Tell the truth, tell the truth, tell the truth. Share your story. Further, be someone who other people can share their story with. It’s because of fear, discomfort, shame and judgement that we don’t share our stories. Allow other people to feel comfortable sharing something with you, be there for them, do what you can to help them.
It reminds me why this is happening in our country today. We have a reality TV star president to promotes ‘grabbing pussy’ and describes his relationship to women as one where we let him ‘do whatever he wants.’ We idolize sports figures who in their private lives physical and sexual abuse the women in their lives. We watch Woody Allen movies without thinking about if the rape and molestation of his daughter are true, we are shocked when people like musical artist Kesha’s story abuse sexual assault and abuse in the music industry comes out and find it in our hearts to demonize people like Tiger Woods for adulator-us, yes, but consensual sex but not equally men who rape, sexually assault, abuse and discriminate against.
When you marked Trump on the ballot you okayed sexual abuse toward women. When you bought that _____ jersey you okayed sexual abuse toward women. When you watched that Woody Allen movie you okayed molestation. It may not seems like it but not speaking up about it if you know it’s true makes you part of it. When you support
You may say that you don’t know for sure if all of these acts of sexual abuse by women is true or that you didn’t know about it. That’s fair. Then I challenge to see where in your life sexual discrimination, assault or abuse toward women exists in your life because it is no doubt there. It may be subtle, like a joke between co-workers that doesn’t paint someone in the best light or a comment about a woman’s size or shape at work. It may be more obvious like your girlfriends husband that gets a little too aggressive when he drinks. Maybe you notice a boy in your kids class who is mean and abusive to all the girls in class. Maybe that boy is your son. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, speak out about it. The women of the world need you too.
If you don’t feel inspired to do this I would ask you to consider the women in your life-the mothers, daughters, sisters, cousins, wives, aunts, nieces, grandmothers, great-grandmothers and granddaughters. What are we teaching them is OK in our daily lives and interactions with others? How are we defining what a women is and what male female relationships should look like?
I learned that it was my duty to let go of what happened to me, not to talk about for fear that I would make people uncomfortable because it made me uncomfortable. I see the boys now as grown men here and there through social media and I wonder….I wonder if they know what they did was wrong and if they think about it today. I wonder if I made a mistake by not telling my story sooner. If it could’ve helped more young girls or grown women. I wonder why it’s just become the norm to not talk about these things and how life can just go on. But the best I can do now is share my story, forgive everyone involved and strive to change.
This new me requires me to put my foot down in relationships when I know something is good or bad for me. It means making decisions for me and using my voice to speak up about wrong doings. It means taking responsibility for my own wrong doings. The timing of finding out that I possibly have endometriosis colliding with a time in history that we as people and more importantly women, are finding the courage to come out and tell our stories, is no coincidence. As I’ve mentioned before, any female ailment related to the vagina, ovaries, uterus, etc, can be related to sexual abuse, shame regarding femininity, femaleness and the female body. I can’t ignore this revelation and I’m happy for this message my pain has been trying to get across to me and am grateful for my endometriosis.
Now, I’m working toward forgiving the boys now men, for what they did, their parents and their strict religion, my mom and myself for letting fear hold us back from what we knew was right, my dad being for being absent from this as he was most things at that time in my life and everyone else involved in the hiding of this secret. I understand know why and how this could’ve happened because as it turns out we all had one thing in common, we were afraid.
I’d like to be the first of us to stand up and say that what happened to me was wrong. It should’ve been acknowledged, talked about and some resource should’ve been brought in after such a traumatic experience. The boys should’ve received help not punishment in the form of physical abuse however, I’m not entirely sure of their truth and what happened to them. I only know that it was back to normal, playing on our neighbors lawn and I played along because that’s what I thought I was supposed to do.
Even sitting here now I feel bad for the people involved. Should I be writing this post?What if one of the men were to read it? I fear them being held responsible Well, I’ve heard that voice before, that fear and this time, I’m telling it to take the backseat, someone else is driving.
*Do you have a me too story? I encourage you to share it here or in whatever style/platform is comfortable for you. The more we talk about it, the more we heal ❤
Sitting in my new doctors office for maybe the fourth time and I can’t believe how much has changed from that first visit. As I think about it I watch as a man says goodbye to the nurse, “I’m taking this,” he says holding up a Shape magazine and walks out, the nurse not even blinking an eye.
I laughed out loud and thought about how lucky I was to be in Mt. Shasta. Not because it has the best health care in the world and everywhere else doesn’t, but because I came from a big city where dealing with these health concerns would take considerably more time. It wouldn’t be as intimate as the experience is here. Where doctors know each other because their office is just across the street. With that said, things like broken MRI machines wouldn’t interrupt my appointment like here, because where I’m from, there’s more than one machine.
Since I came up to Northern California this July, I’ve been to more doctors appointments than I have my whole life combined. This all came about because I was ignoring pain that I had been feeling since last December. I’ve always looked at my menstrual pain as a final judgement put on me that I could do nothing about. It is what it is, I thought. Every woman must go through this and it’s the norm. Little did I know that my pain was trying to tell me something important about my body.
So why then, would someone like me who prides themselves on being interested in all things health, shun the one community that could help her? Well, it begins like all fear begins, with a story, a history of discomfort and the general attitude that doctors are Gods on top of their pedestals making important decisions about our fate.
That’s how I always felt anyway until I reached high school and my Mom took me to our family doctor because I was depressed. I remember feeling like I didn’t care about anything, like life din’t matter for me. I couldn’t find the joy in things and I hid my depression from everyone except my Mom. At this particular doctors appointment I saw not my primary physician but another doctor working with him at the time.
It is still one of the most uncomfortable memories of my life, being asked, in front of my Mom if I had been molested or abused. Because, obvious to my doctor but not me, this could be the only reason for my depression. I was stunned, embarrassed and uncomfortable. My answer was no but the fact that he had asked in such a manner changed my perspective of conventional doctors from that day forward.
I left that appointment with a prescription for prozac which I came to later find out he had prescribed to more people in my family than just me. After that appointment my fear of doctors grew and began going to see the doctor less. At first, it seemed like a good idea. No unnecessary money spent and wasted time. I’d seen lots of people go to the doctor for no reason at all so I was happy to learn that I didn’t need to go every time I sneezed.
Flash forward to 2015, I’m enrolled at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition and still proudly not seeing any doctors because I believed with the new knowledge I had, I could take care of myself and I had the proof. Time after time I’d used whole foods and holistic treatments for ailments and began rarely getting sick because I’d changed my diet and lifestyle.
But behind the facade of healthy eating was a person desperately trying to control everything that went into their mouth without really giving attention to the other aspects of my life that were beginning to unravel. It took a while for me to admit something was really wrong with me. I had a lot of excuses for what could be causing my pain. I’d taken a Soul Cycle class with a friend that left me hurting for weeks on my left side that I connected with my cyst pain. I also blamed work and their terrible chairs and tiny work spaces. I didn’t know a cyst could be the issue until I started focusing my studies on female health.
While reading Women’s Bodies Women’s Wisdom by Christianne Northrup, the idea that I may have a cyst crossed me mind. My symptoms matched up with those described in the book so I made a gynecologist appointment. At the time I was still San Francisco. I told the doctor I had pain but also said it may be from work so she ignored the comment. All my tests came back normal so I let it be but couldn’t ignore the pain eventually and knew deep down something was wrong.
Once I moved up North for the summer I made a gyno appointment right away which after a vaginal ultra sound, determined I was right, that I actually had two cysts. So what have I learned from this whole ordeal? I’ve listed some myths that I’ve come to find are just that, myths and resources beyond conventional medicine.
Doctor Myths Busted
My doctor knows it all-This is a dangerous one. Although conventional medicine has offered us so much especially recently with its developments, it is usually better for a band-aid fix and not prevention. This means that doctors rarely have other options than to slice, stitch or prescribe. Although I went into my situation cautious about conventional medicine, I was still shocked when my new gyno didn’t have any advice to give me on pain management for cysts or reducing their size other than hormonal pill form birth control. Something that she profits from and probably learned in medical school was the only solution. Which is just not true. So don’t worry if you feel let down when you go to your appointments, you doctors aren’t supposed to know it all and they don’t. There are plenty of other resources available to you like health coaches, integrative doctors, acupuncturist, etc.
I Shouldn’t Ask Questions-I get it, the doctor has been rushing around the office and has no time for you and now that they’re finally there, it’s like they can’t wait to leave. You don’t want to bother them with questions or take up anymore of their time. Ditch that thought. Your health is more important. Be sure before your appointment to jot down some questions that you have about your ailment or in general. Feel free to do some of your own research and check with your doctor to see their accuracy. Don’t feel ashamed or worried if they aren’t comfortable answering. You have every right to ask questions and if you’re not getting the answers you need, it may be time to find another doctor.
I Don’t Need to be completely honest about lifestyle/food choices with my doc-It’s easy to feel like we don’t want to be judged by our doctors. The first time I ever wrote down how many alcoholic beverages I consumed in a day, I was shocked at myself, embarrassed and worried what my doctor would say. But the reason this is so imperative is so that they can better help you. The more they no about you the better they can make a plan that will work best for you and your ailments. So be honest!
I Don’t Deserve Health care-Regardless of your job, income, race, age or religion, everyone had the right to good health and the resources we provide for this health. Never feel bad about yourself or think you deserve less care because you are on medicare More money shouldn’t buy better health and doesn’t make you more deserving of it. We should all want our neighbors to have the best health care because when everyone is healthy they are at their best and can then become thoughtful members of society.
There are no other alternatives and if there were, my doctor would’ve told me-This last one relates to the first but it’s so important because there are always alternatives. More importantly, there is always someone else that has gone through what you’ve gone through. Get out there and find them, connect with them and learn. Never assume that your doctor knows all the options out there because they may not. Do ask because there are plenty of great doctors out there and they may have some valuable resources to share with you.
This blog is in no way meant to discourage anyone from seeking medical help via conventional medicine. It is not a call to get off medication or swear off conventional medicine. I am incredibly grateful for the health care I’ve received especially in the past few months that I’ve been in Mt. Shasta. This post is instead intended to raise questions about conventional, medical advice and tactics when other, less severe options are available to us. I intend and hope you will as well, to continue to use both conventional and integrative medicine throughout my life and not be afraid to ask questions, seek advice, or challenge anything I’ve learned because when it comes to my body, I’m really the one on the pedestal.
So what are your options if conventional medicine doesn’t have something to offer you or you aren’t comfortable with your choices?
Your choice is something know as integrative medicine. You may have also heard it called functional medicine, eastern medicine, alternative medicine or holistic medicine.
This type of medicine differs from conventional medicine because it looks at alternatives to surgery and medicine and instead tries to get to the root of the issue using whole foods, therapeutic practices, supplements and exercise.
Integrative doctor-they will test blood, hormones, talk to you about diet, lifestyle, relationships, family medical history-they dig deep. And the deeper the better.
Acupuncturist-they can help by talking to you about what your symptoms are and where pain lies and accordingly use metal pins and insert them into areas of your body to relive pressure. Helps relive pain by moving restricted blood around.
Regular massage, Thai Massage or massage specifically geared toward female healing-This can offer pain relief and is just a great practice of self care if you can get one once month or whenever possible.
Holistic Dentist-They will use safer practices while teeth cleaning and can remove your fillings and replace them with something newer and less toxic.
Health Coach-Health coaches can really add to your life by providing help with a lot of these resources and support throughout the process of healing. They are your biggest advocate to help get healthy and stay that way. They help you adopt new healthy habits that won’t fall by the wayside like they typically do when you try to go at it alone. They consider all aspects of your life that may be affecting your health and have helpful information to your specific body. I went to school to be a health coach at IIN so I’m a big advocate for health coaches and how they can help someone achieve they health goals.
Holistic therapy-I specifically looked for a holistic therapist because I didn’t want to be offered medication and I wanted someone who was familiar with the approaches I’m comfortable with. She also offers things like nature therapy which is a perk of seeking out a holistic therapist. Therapists also tend to have lots of other great resources to give you and I think are an important part of a healthy lifestyle for anyone.
Groups like Al-Anon and AA–They aren’t holistic but depending on your individual situation a group like this might be beneficial for you. I started attending Al-Anon meetings, which is for children, family and friends of alcoholics and I think it’s been a great addition to my well-rounded healing. The experience and stories from the people there offer something that therapy or talking to a friend doesn’t offer. It helps me to feel less alone and refocus my life on myself. It’s also helped me with my decision to stop drinking but more on that in another post.
Holistic General Practitioners–I haven’t looked into this thoroughly but I know they exist. I wanted list them because I think it’s important to note that there are doctors out there who have studied and gotten degrees from medical school who have taken their studies further to include eastern medicine as well.
I am so sick and tired of being called sensitive. My whole life, I’ve been the ‘sensitive’ one in my family. The one who cries the most and ‘feels’ the most. It was a rarity that I could share my feelings without an eye roll, being told I was taking something the wrong way or ultimately, being invalidated.
I’ve always gone through life being told to suppress my feelings. That they were too much or too loud. As an adult, not much has changed. People hide from feelings and emotions. They feel better when feelings are kept to themselves. Adults get uncomfortable when children cry, trying immediately to fix whatever is making them feel that way-silence the emotion. It’s in our nature to not want to address the emotion behind the act of crying.
Why is this? Why do we avoid feelings? Well, digging into them would be messy and would require work. Work that some people just don’t want to do. If you’re a sensitive person, then you know what I mean. You’ve always been the cry baby and it’s everyone else’s opinion that you should get thicker skin.
Typical things a sensitive person hears daily, ‘Get over it,’ ‘Calm down,’ ‘it’s not that big a deal,’ ‘why are you so upset?’ It creates a problem for sensitive people to try to live among others. When every emotion becomes judged, you learn to guard them carefully so as not to be judged by them. Everything you say is wrong and drenched in too much emotion. This is really sad. Sad that I was hiding my emotions to please others. Sad that I wasn’t being myself. Holding on to so much causes pain and illness and in my case, may have caused my cysts.
Somehow as a sensitive person you get attacked for feeling. I think it’s put us in a bit of a predicament. We’ve become an unfeeling society, one afraid to address real issues. That’s left us with a lot of unacknowledged pain and discomfort. When people don’t talk about things, feel things, they begin to fester.
So it’s important for me to voice this as a sensitive person. To voice the need to speak out no matter how other people feel about it. To cry when I want and need to. To feel when I want and need to. It’s also important so that I can break the pattern of attracting people to me that don’t honor my sensitivities and see them as a super power. When I change how I feel about myself, I attract others that feel that way about me as well. Those who judge, make fun of or think my emotions are too much, well, they know where the door is.